When I was young I was really good at soccer. Well, really good compared to the average kid. Given the amount of money my parents invested into soccer leagues, camps, clinics, etc… I was able to jump into any team and pretty much my hold my own. I used to love just showing up to my local park with my cleats, finding a game and kicking ass. I knew I would do well and I knew that I would be immediately accepted by my new friends.
As I moved into my 20s and started working at MLS I became pretty good at soccer. I no longer played in high competitive matches, but would play in adult league matches with a team of MLS staff. I usually took on captaining the team which meant that I was also actually on the team and knew everyone else who played. Even though I wasn’t the best player on the team I always felt comfortable on and off the field.
Now I’m 30, I’m in India, I don’t know many people and I am only kinda good at soccer. People keep pushing me to join a team and I keep on procrasting. I didn’t know why I was procrastinating until a few days ago.
My friend Sukkhi invited me to watch his team play in a 6v6 adidas hosted tournament in S. Delhi. The thought of watching football in the lights, eating kati rolls and drinking Kingfishers sounded too appealing to turn down. I brought my cleats because Vanita and I were planning to hop on the field after their match.
As I was walking back from the beer stand I saw Sukkhi running up saying that they needed an extra player. Next thing I know I’m in an adidas uniform and on the field warming up. It was weird because all of a sudden I felt nervous, insecure and envious of all the people sitting on the sidelines enjoying their food and drink. This was my dream and I wasn’t relishing it!!!
I played for about 15 minutes of the 40 minute game and seriously left my lungs on the field. I didn’t talk to my teammates, was angry when we lost and couldn’t look anyone in the eye after the game ended. I acted like I just scored an own goal in a World Cup final even though all I did was go out and play hard for 15 minutes in a losing effort. I analyzed my emotions the next day and realized (with the help of Vanita) that I was so sad and insecure because I have not been the “new guy” in so long. I rarely played poorly when I was young and when I did play poorly in my MLS days it was nothing that a beer and an inside joke couldn’t take care of. But now everything is new. These guys don’t know my past or care about it and our relationship hasn’t reached the level of inside jokes yet.
The point of this blog post is that I realized that this all part of my growth. Both on and off the field. I feel so fortunate to be in a new country and have these experiences while doing the things I love most. I continued playing with this team for the next 2 days until we were knocked out of the tournament in the quarterfinals by a team of oversized Eastern Europeans.
They ended up being a bunch of great guys and invited Vanita and I to train with them every Sunday evening. I’ll still be the new guy but now I’m looking at this situation with a whole new perspective…